Seeing the Good in Bad Situations
By Jean Donahue
you going through rough times? Are you frustrated? Are you unhappy about
your life at this time? Do you need help you are not getting?
the years Iíve heard from people who felt this way. I know there have
been times in my life that were rough, when Iíve been frustrated and
Iíve been unhappy about things. After a short period of time, I always
decided to stop feeling that way. Thatís something my parents taught me.
I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and start looking for the good
in a situation, because thereís always something good that comes out of
I was in eighth grade, the father of a classmate committed suicide. Iíll
call him Joe. I had heard that something good always comes from everything
-- even bad things -- so I decided to watch to see if I could find what
good comes from a suicide. The bad things were easy to see: the family,
the people who loved Joe, were devastated. Their life was suddenly much
harder. They hurt so badly. Each one felt it was their fault. In fact,
they would never get over Joeís suicide.
what good could come out of such a horrible, devastating situation?
waited and waited and waited, but I didnít find anything. I finally
stopped thinking about it. A little over a year later, I heard a young man
(Iíll call him Frank) speak of the good that had come out of Joeís
suicide. Frank was frustrated with his life. He was in college and had
dreams of becoming successful and wealthy, but he started partying and
didnít apply himself. He had to drop out of school.
was wondering why he was here on this earth. He was frustrated and
miserable. Thatís when Joe committed suicide. Frank stopped thinking of
himself and started thinking about Joeís family. Frank helped them any
way he could. As a matter of fact, he felt so bad for Joeís family that
he stopped thinking about himself. He took them to the grocery store. He
taught the mother to drive, and he helped her get a job. Frank found that
thinking of other people and helping others was the most important thing
in life. Thinking only of himself and what he wanted was what led him to
become so frustrated and miserable.
the end, something good indeed did come from Joeís suicide.
what about you? Please donít think that you will be helping someone else
if you commit suicide. You wonít. A better alternative is to start
thinking of someone else. They donít have to be the person you are
caregiving for, your loved one. Think of your friends, your neighbors,
your children, even people you donít know.
not try giving something to a child who needs help. You donít have to do
this face to face; contact an organization that helps children. They can
tell you about some of the situations they face and what is needed. You
donít have to leave your home for this; just make a phone call.
what about helping the many elderly who are very poor. Give them a meal.
Give them an old coat you donít need. Give them a smile when you see
them in a store. A smile can do wonders for them. It tells them you are
happy to see them. It tells them they are worthwhile. It tells them they
have a shot at happiness.
you think youíre in a situation you canít get through, try to remember
that you have come through every other situation, and you will get through
this one. You are stronger than you think you are. You will become even
stronger because of this experience.
anyone helps your loved one, treat them like kings and queens. They will
be more willing to help if they feel you appreciate them. Tell them you
are glad they came. Smile when you see them. Donít complain and argue
with them all the time, unless they are mistreating your loved one. If
that happens and they are a professional helper, call the company and tell
them why you donít want that person to come out again.
you are frustrated, tell them to please excuse you for being in a bad
mood. Explain that you are frustrated and that they are not the problem.
They will understand that; everyone has days like that. Just donít let
your own frustrations get in the way of the treatment given to your loved
them if they know how you can get the help you need. Ask the doctor. Call
a local hospital and talk to the social worker. Ask nursing homes,
churches, anyplace you think might be able to help or know where you can
get help. There is help somewhere. You just need to find it.
be nice to people. Your attitude is very important to getting the help you
and your loved one needs.